Cold Feet Before Travel And How I Overcame It
Traveling For the Second Time Abroad
This time I was so reluctant to leave. The sooner the flight was approaching the more my cold feet set in and it wasn’t just because of the weather. Ha. I felt I was making a mistake, that I was running away, but the thought of staying at home motivated me to go on.
Comparing the pictures from when I left in 2016 to 2018, I can see how exhausted I looked when leaving for the second time. The nights leading up to this journey were sleepless, I had been worrying for weeks. I can see it is my face.
2017 was spent in bed when not at work or with friends. I was on a mission to save money, so to me it meant not going much of anywhere. I felt stagnant and unsure of what to purpose I had, longing for change and a challenge. Leaving Canada was pushing myself far out of my comfort zone.
Deciding To Document My Journey
Having deciding to document my travels online was another aspect adding to my doubt. It felt very scary. Yes, I have had the blog since August, trying my best to document trips from the past but it had not really felt real. Getting on the plane meant that it was a dream turning into reality. Questions of weather or not this is what I should be doing were floating around in my head. What does that mean about me? Will it give me purpose? Is it contributing goodness to the world? Will I be happy? What if I hate it? Surely that means I will never find be content! Which further was encouraging my feet to get colder.
However, I knew deep down that I needed to explore the world and myself. I knew I needed to travel to stay inspired and create. I needed to travel to put myself out of my comfort zone and engage with the world. So I did I best to not be deterred by the worrisome thoughts.
Travelling, writing and photography were my answers to progress. I hoped it would give me the freedom to explore myself, be continuously inspired and vulnerable. In 2016 after I came back from a four and a half month trip, I had changed and knew it was something I had to do again. I decided travel was what I needed and what I wanted. But I knew that this time I had to do it completely differently. I needed to create on the road and be true to myself through sobriety.
At the beginning I was so set on making money, it was loosing its enjoyment. What purpose would it serve if I could not turn a profit. I let go of money as my main goal which has now allowed creativity to become my main goal.
Leaving My Family and Friends
Moving far away from the people that I am closest with, my friends and family, was scary. It is for a longer time than I have ever been away. I wish I could bring them all with me, to experience this journey together, but that is not possible. Facebook messager, Instagram, and WhatsApp are what keep us close.
Disappearing Cold Feet
A month into the trip and my cold feet have subsided. I don’t know exactly when the feeling disappeared but I am now comfortable with my new norm. I am always excited to explore the new cities that I travel to and I enjoy blogging, taking pictures and posting to Instagram and I feel a commitment to my blog even though it may only be my Mom reading it at this time, Hey Mom! What cured them was time.
By no means does that mean I am always happy go lucky or don’t want to return home. Sometimes I feel really depressed and lost or anxious and confused. I want to disappear from the world or I feel homesick. Othertimes I want to drink till I forget or do drugs to make me happy. Then I remember why I choose sobriety. Feeling the hard stuff is better than trying to cover it up. My feelings come with me where ever I go, so learning to embrace and accept them is essential to navigating life.
Leaving wouldn’t change these feelings, so I got scared that I wouldn’t be able to handle travel.
But overall I am surprised at how it is bringing me to a better place emotionally. I do not struggle as much as I thought with sobriety, considering the backpacking drinking culture. Making friends gets easier and everyone is looking to make friends as well. Fellow travellers are understanding and supportive. Experiencing difficult situations and emotions get easier. And of course family and friends are only a phone call away.
Success Through Experience
I hope this journey leads me to an opportunity that fulfills my creativity and soul. Allowing me to discover more about myself and the world around me. Contributing to Katherine On The Road helps to build my skills in writing, social media marketing, photography, photo editing and socializing. As I am not doing it for school, grades or money, but rather because I want to and to provide me with a deeper purpose.
In the end, getting cold feet, and all the doubts that come with them is the reason that I wanted to start this journey in the first place. I am still answering questions about how I will be able to use my voice and creativity to serve the world and help other people. But without experience and action these questions could not be answered.
No matter where this journey of travel and blogging leads me I hope it leads me to fulfillment, love and passion. My life plan is not set in stone I move forward with open hands and an open heart. The journey I am taking I hope teaches me more than I thought possible. Through each failure I hope to find success between the cracks. I want to look back on my decisions, feel proud and see the changes I have made in myself and the world. As cheesy as it sounds, I believe I have to be the change I wish to see in the world, thank you Ghandi for this quote. All in all this is the path that I have chosen and I am giving it all I have got. Nothing will stop me.